Butt Piss

I pissed out my butt today. I hate it when that happens. I wasn't sick that I knew of, but sometimes it just happens.

I really hate it when it happens on Bart. No I didn't piss out my butt on bart, but that was when I realized there might be a problem. Thank god I had a seat.

Its really hard to hold it in. The sphincter isn't really very good at holding back liquid. Its great at holding back the big logs but when your system is working overtime and creates that chocolate milkshake stuff, holding it in is a real challenge. Don't even think of farting.

So I had a painful ride on bart and then high-tailed it (bad pun I know) to the office. (oh, yeah.... my new job, more on that later...) I climbed the stairs to the 3rd floor and walked nonchalantly to my desk. This was the hard part. I wanted to be sure no one knew that I was holding in butt piss. I had to act like everything was normal. So I sat down at my desk, put my pack down, made sure my cell phone was off, and pressed the start button on my computer, just as I've always done. Once it got to the login screen I would be able to type in the login and then head to bathroom to open the floodgates. But a snag in the plan. Boss person, got up from his desk and went ahead of me. Yep, only one person at a time in our 12 man office.

So I had to wait. As I waited I prayed no one would come by and say something that would make me laugh. I just sat there pinching my sphincter as hard as I could and fortunately, no one came by.

He came out and I made the somewhat odd but nonchalant walk to the bathroom. Once inside the first door I ran and dropped them and made every drop. It was like a firehose and very satisfying. I checked and nothing on my undies. Hooray. Friday, 13 turned out to be ok.