Homelessness is happiness????

I've noticed there are a lot of happy homeless people in Berkeley. Or at least people that look like they are homeless. The ex-Lawrence Livermore Lab's employee I met who now walks the streets looking for donations for his 'Tutor Kids Now' project. (Note: I made up the name as I don't believe his project actually has a name.) Anyway, he pays $50.00 a month to live in a shack behind someones house in Berkeley.

He seems very happy. I'm not sure he was happy at Lawrence Livermore Labs but next time I see him I think I'll ask. He has a long list of names of people who have signed up to be tutors that he carries with him along with some other papers. Not sure who gets the list as it looked old and I doubt if he has a copier, so I doubt anyone is getting it at this point.

Then there's the black lady with the shopping cart and the portable cd player playing R&B. I saw her yesterday and she was just as happy as a clam and dancing away. She said something to me as I walked by but she didnt' seem to want any money. Something about a dancing fool. She laughed as she said and gave me a big smile.

My mother used to call them bag-ladies and claimed that she would be one someday. Then of course her wish came true when she had her surgery and they replaced most of her colon with a colostomy bag. She'd say, "I told you I was going to end up as a bag lady." and then she'd laugh. We'd just sort of grin uncomfortably. The smell was hard to deal with. She didn't survive long as a 'bag lady'. I don't think she much enjoyed that life.

But then there's the guy selling 'Street Life' at Peets. He always has a smile and nice things to say.

I'm quite interested in this subject now because I'm pretty sure I wasn't happy making my six figure income. Every day another change, another direction, another project that replaced the last project that didn't get finished. I got dizzy from all the spinning. I finally said, what is the point. I worked myself to death trying to keep up only to have things change and good projects get scrapped and bad projects get implemented. The good projects that did get implemented always got implemented so poorly that you couldn't tell they were good projects. But I kept doing it for 17 years just so I could 'live the good life.'

Finally, after many bad projects came my way and went, I was downsized. You see there was a short time when I realized that the best bet for me and for the company was to not do anything. In other words, I figured I could save my company money by not completing the projects they were pushing. That's because I knew the projects would have disastrous consequences, but I was unable to get anyone to listen to that. So, since my job title was business analyst, and since the purpose of the business analyst position is saving the company money, the only way to do my job was to not do anything.

This worked for a while but then of course they realized that they could pay someone a lot less than I was getting to tell them their projects were stupid and the best way to save the company money would be to not do anything.

So now that I'm no longer doing that, I'm thinking maybe I should just continue my downsizing. Maybe see what it's like to sell 'Street Life' magazine and eat out of tin cans.... hmmm... that part doesn't sound glamorous. Sleeping in the street..... naaaah. I know, I'll write a book. How about this:'

"How to make a six figure income while waiting for them to figure out you aren't worth it and 'downsize you'".

How wierd. I just got a popup for Ode magazine. The byline says:

"Smile, Laugh and Cry with Ode. The magazine for intelligent optimists."
I didn't make that up, it really happened. It must be a sign. I think I'll subscribe.

Gays in the "enemy's" military is ok.

It seems that the administration is ok with gay people as long as they are in the enemy's army. They even wanted to make some gay people with their 'Gay Bomb'. Don't believe it? Neither did I at first. But, truly... The Sunshine Project used the freedom of information act to root out the story of how the Pentagon asked for multi-trillions of dollars to build a bomb that would make people really horny. And if they could make them gay at the same time that would be even better. Because then the predominately male armies would be too busy fucking eaching other to fight a war.

These people, our leaders, actually believe that you can create a bomb that will make people gay. When I read it I thought I was reading "The Onion".

Our brilliant leadership in action. Next I hope they can build an idiot bomb that will get rid of idiots that want to be president.

http://cbs5.com/topstories/local_story_159222541.html

My Future

I heard from Rich today that I'm going to be a crotchety old man. I believe he's projec\e2qqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqq1

sorry, that was Alexander's addition. Alexander is one of the two cats that Willie and I got yesterday. Check out the Time for a New Cat entry to hear what it's like buying a cat in Berkeley. Oops, I mean, 'adopting a cat' in Berkeley. "Buying a cat" is so 90's.

Alexander is going to be good if he keeps at it. Unfortunately, you have to understand 'cat' to read it.

Anyway, I was bragging about how I learned the ropes at Ikea. You do not go up the escalator, otherwise you get caught in the Ikea maze. If you've been you know what I'm talking about. From office furniture, to living room, to bedroom, to ..... on and on. And along the pathway, you have to deal with the rubber neckers. They walk along real slow like the drivers on the freeway witnessing a traffic accident. And just as you're about to pass on the left they cut you off. They always have lots of help, because they bring their whole families. I mean the WHOLE family. The kids, the adults, the grandparents,...

And of course the grandparents walk extra slow because they are walking with a cane and their feet hurt. Just as you think you can pass a couch or a table obstruct your path. And just beyond them are the proud parents who bring their kids and the strollers to Ikea to show them off to all of the other consumers. They really have no goal. No quest. Just hoping that something pops up that would help make their home look like an Ikea staged living room or staged kitchen.

Sometimes you can cut through the furniture but most of the time there is a large family there with their large children eating snowcones and jujube's blocking all possible throughways.

So, your trapped. You continue following the meandering road until your next opportunity.

But the key is the shortcuts. Most of the large families don't know about these. I'll give you the start. When you enter the store, pass the escalator on the left and then go through the door on the left. Then go straight ahead and take the stairs to get to the restaurant.

If you're looking for curtains, turn right and go through the passageway and turn left. Sometimes you'll find some families there but its usually mothers with their gay sons helping to pick out curtains.

Please send $25.00 for a map to the shortcuts. This will make your ikea shopping much more enjoyable. And I'll even throw in a schedule that will let you know when the large families will be there feeding.

Paper or Plastic?

This used to be an easy question until we moved to Berkeley. Depending on my mood I would pick one or the other. But when I was asked by the clerk at Whole Foods I froze. I looked at her and nothing came out. I finally had to admit my naivette.

"I'm not sure. You choose." She chose paper. I was relieved. I then told her I wasn't sure what the correct answer was but I knew that plastic sits in a land fill for 10 million years then finally decomposes and poisons the earth with the chemicals that it was made of. Those are the lucky ones. The unlucky ones, although it might be more fun for them, wind up wrapped around a dolphins beak somewhere.

I also told her that if you used paper, it means your killing a tree. She then said "But paper will naturally degrade and new trees will grow out of it."

I envisioned the landfill in Nevada County. I saw the mass of concrete that I had always thrown the paper bags on when I live there. I saw it now with trees that had paper bag roots growing right on top of the concrete. I realized that she was right and that that was a lot better than the dolphin image or the poison earth image.

"Thanks for helping me. I'm very new to this" I told the woman, as I turned to head out the door with my bag of frozen enchiladas.

Garbage Day

Willie and I now have our new home in Berkeley. We are pretty settled in. No major trauma. Well there is the cat purchase issue but that is being resolved. Nothing but a funny story soon, I’m sure.

We had lots of boxes that we broke down and tied up so the garbage guy could take them. We got the info from Rick and Rich. They’ve lived in Berkeley for 1.5 years so we look to them for guidance often.

You have to break them down and tie them up with hemp they told us. So Willie did that but used twine. The hemp part was a joke.

They were all there by the curb when the garbage man pulled up. Nice little tied bundles. And then when the garbage man left there they still were. I asked Willie if he tied them up. “Yes” he said, “There was just one on top that wasn’t.”

That must have been it I decided. About 2 hours later I see the garbage truck and 2 guys talking to Willie. He apparently flagged them down. They left and the boxes were gone.

“So you flagged them down?” “Yep. They said that some of them were too big and needed to be cut down to size.”

The interesting thing was they took them and loaded them on the truck just fine even though they weren’t cut down to size.

It seems that people from North Carolina have no problem talking to garbage men. Me? I’ve been afraid of them all my life so if they don’t pick something up I just try a different tactic the following week and again the week after that until I find the right combination. Sometimes I just have to take it to the dump myself. Its easier than confronting the GM. He does have all the power after all and the last thing you want to do is to make him mad.

Time for a new cat

Time to get a cat.

It’s been a while since I got myself a new cat. It seems the rules have changed. At first you would go to your neighbors who’s cat just had kittens and make your claim. Then once the kitten was old enough you got to take it home and play games with them. Throw them in the air to see if they land on their feet, drop them with their feet pointing up to see if they can make the twist, put socks over their heads to watch them try to back out of it, put them in a bag and spin them around and then watch them walk like they’re drunk.

But those aren’t the rules anymore and my naivette did show. Not only did I not know the new rules but, not knowing the rules made me suspect in the cat adoption agencies eyes. When did that start? Adoption agencies for cats.

Let me try to get the full spectrum of how getting a cat has changed here.
First, neighbor's cat had kittens, you get one.
Next, you go to the pound, or someone you know did, and they bring one home.
Next, you would go to a pet store. Boy is going to a pet store not the answer now.

I made the mistake of walking into a few pet stores that sold cat supplies to see if I could find out where to buy a cat. You’d think I’d walked in and asked if they had any human children for sale from the reaction I got. I mean I purchased Tanji and Dr. Smith, my last two cats from a pet store. They were perfectly good cats from what I knew. The store owners even seemed to like them. Anyway, now pet stores only sell pet food as selling cats in a store is politically incorrect.

Here’s what happened at one store we stopped at on Saturday. “No I’m sorry, we don’t sell cats!” Was the answer from the Large PC Berkeley woman at the counter. She then yelled: “Mike, can you help out?” to someone who was apparently named Mike in the back. I was curious as to why she had Mike come out when she had already answered my question. But, since I had that question answered I thought I should ask a different question, so I quickly came up with a new one for Mike. “Do you know of any stores in the area that sell cats?” I asked. With that I realized why Mike had come out. Mike seemed to have strong opinions about people who want to buy cats. “No, I certainly don’t” he answered as his chin dropped towards the floor and he looked down his nose at me. “Ok thanks!” I said and turned to leave. He apparently wasn’t through as he continued his verbal spitting in my general direction. Something about buying cats and not thinking….blah, blah, blah.

You would think it would be in his best interest for me to get a cat so I could then buy some of the cat stuff that he had piled to the ceiling. Lots of those round and square boxes wrapped in carpet. But after that I decided my cat would be just fine with cardboard.

That was Saturday. Sunday, we decided to try again. I was after all determined to have a cat in my new Berkeley home. After the confusion Saturday I decided to do some investigation. I looked up “purchase a cat” on the internet. I was greeted with a lot of information about stores that sell cats and that they treat the cats poorly therefore if you buy a cat from one of the stores, you are continuing the cycle. So the proper thing to do is to not buy a cat from a cat store. Or even from cat supply store that also sells cats. Because they probably treat the cats badly also. Instead, those cats that are in the store being treated badly should stay there until they die or are sold to the restaurant next door.

So I then found out the new pc way to buy a cat. You get them from the animal rescue places like Milo or the Feral Cat society. These cat people take good care of the cats. They have made it into quite the organization. They have schedules, and foster care and applications and rules. They’ll even take your cat away if you are mistreating it.

So Milo was having a cat sale on the 4th street sidewalk in Berkeley from noon to 4 on Sunday. We went to Target to get some cat supplies so we would be ready for our new cat and then showed up at the cat auction at 11:15. We wanted to get there early before all the good ones were gone. At 11:30 they were already setting up. I was impressed. This seemed like a well run organization. We parked and walked up and were disappointed to see there were no kittens, only adults. They were cute but I figured they were already neurotic or they wouldn’t be there. I wanted to be able to mold my kitty with my own neurosis, so I asked if there were going to be any kittens. “Yes, but not until 12.” Was the answer from the big lady with the mustache.

So we walked down the street to talk to our friend who was working in the light store. She was excited to hear we were getting a kitten and told us to bring it by when we were leaving. We promised we would and we got more excited to find the kitty so we could show it to Kay.

We then went shopping for some of those things that you tie your curtains back with. Restoration Hardware was having a sale and had some cool ones we really liked. They were only $6.00 a piece. We found the ones we wanted and she called to see if they had them in stock. “Nope”, but they had the $47.00 a piece ones. How about those? “Nope”, we said.

Then we went to the gallery and Willie talked with the owner about Willie's artwork, then we talked to the owner about the queen who watched the store while she was gone. He’s going to someplace I’d never heard of and he’s all excited was what she told us.

I left Willie with her while I went to get back in line for the kittys. It was 12:40 at this time and still no kittens. I looked in the van and I saw some in a cage. I asked about them and got the news that they were “…dirty…” so they weren’t going to be able to be seen. “Oh” I replied.

I then walked over to see if my application was still on top. A pretty woman with lots of male energy then started talking to me. I showed her my application and she asked if anyone had reviewed it with me. I told her no and she went over it. I was very nervous. What if I’m not qualified? But fortunately she told me I answered the questions right and I was approved to be a cat owner. I felt proud. I showed her the one I liked and then she told me I had to take two. She also told me I couldn’t take any today because I had to first provide a signed letter from my landlord that two cats would be ok.

Two cats. This threw a huge wrinkle in the plan. By this time Willie was back and I informed him of the new twist. He was shocked. They then told us if we wanted one of the old ones, then we could take just one, but for kittens, ya gotta be two. I figured the old ones would probably begin breaking down soon and would have to go to the vet a lot. Besides the, someone else’s neurosis issue that is.
This was too much for Willie and I to deal with right there. They told us the reason we had to take two was because there would be behavior problems if we just had one. This sounded like a sales pitch to me, so we left. We called Rick and Rich. They told us we should try the pound and then try the Pet Food Express store. A store that sells pet food but no pets. They don’t sell the pets because they love them and don’t want to see them mistreated.

We drove around for awhile looking for the pound. We couldn’t find it. I confessed to Willie that I didn’t like the pound anyway. "Picking a pet from the pound reminds me of the movie 'Sophie’s Choice'. You pick the one you want to save and the rest are immediately gassed once you leave." Nope, I thought I’d take my chances at the politically correct pet food store.

So we dialed in the Pet Food Express in Montclair. I called the store to see if they were having “Cat Adoptions” that day. I had altered my language to not alarm this store owner. Afraid that if I asked him if they were “selling cats” today that he would have hung up on me. He had a hard time understanding what I was asking for but finally admitted to me that "yes", the cat auction was going on at the store from 1 to 4.

Excellent. We had time to get the pick of the litters. Hyuk. This store was in Oakland and we talked with a woman who seemed to have a lot of female energy. She was very nice and was ok with us getting one cat. She did have us fill out an application but she didn’t require a note from our landlord. We were much more comfortable with her and we found a very nice cat that even Willie liked. She asked me what happened to my other cats. I didn't think it would bode well for my application if I told her that it either got eaten by a mountain lion or jehovas witness got it, so I told her it passed away. She asked me how old it was and I told her 13.

She did tell us that they are better behaved if you have two, so we got an orange one also. Of course we still have to tell Granate.

I then went to the cash machine. They don't take credit cards for cats. When I got back I heard Willie talking about how we were back and forth between Nevada City and Oakland a lot. The lady's face was all red. I found out later that he had told them the mountain lion/jehovas witness story. She still took my money though.

So obtaining a cat has definitely changed during the years. Pet Stores are bad, cats have to be two if you’re getting them in Berkeley, you need a signed permission slip, you need to take a test.....

Oh and the other thing. When I bought my cat in the cat store years ago, they were only $25.00 a piece. Milo wanted $125.00 a piece. The Feral Cat society is only $100.00 a piece but still, what a racket. No breeding fees or anything. Just get a cat off the street, let it have kittens, make sure everyone knows that buying a cat from a store is bad and then proceed to sell the same quality of cat for 4 to 5 times what the store would sell them for. Marketing is key!

If you want the answers to the test let me know. I can sell the answers for $25.00. I have to recoup the money for the cats I purchased.